Busting Sex Myths
During my sex education training, one of the most interesting concepts I learned about was the “good enough sex model”.
I thought, wow! Good enough sex, what a revolutionary idea! We are always taught sex needs to be mind-blowing and amazing. What a cool new way to think about it.
This concept really resonated with me and has been a helpful new framework for thinking about sex.
It helped me start to question some the the myths I hear people have about sex, like….
Sex must be spontaneous
I must give my partner the “best performance” in bed
Lasting longer = better sex
Bigger is better
It must happen x number of times a week to be a good relationship
We both must orgasm together at the same time for it to be good sex
The good enough sex model instead challenges these ideas. It encourages us instead to focus on pleasure and enjoying the process of connecting sexually vs being focused on performance. Being present for the experience and enjoying time with your partner versus being goal oriented.
Sounds like a simple shift, but, oh so powerful.
Check out a few of the tenets of the Good Enough Sex Model that I really love:
Sex is not a individual pass-fail perfect-intercourse test. Instead it is an opportunity to experience mutual pleasure.
Sex is not focused on individual performance. Instead it should be focused on a mutual experience of desire, pleasure, and satisfaction.
Sex is not a one size fits all script. Sex can look like a wide range of pleasurable, variable, flexible sexual activities.
Sex does not have to be perfect. Instead it emphasizes positive, realistic sexual expectations. Such as, it is normal that 5 to 15 percent of sexual experiences are not fully satisfying or our bodies don’t work quite the way we expected. It’s okay to enjoy the playfulness and pleasure of imperfection.
Let’s reflect on these concepts….
How would your sex life look different if you and your partner embraced “good enough sex” mindset?
How would your sex life change?
How would your feelings about your sex life change?
What new forms of joy and pleasure could this mindset open up to you?
If you’d like more support with exploring how you could develop a good enough sex mindset, check out my program here.
References:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-author-speaks/201908/enhancing-couple-sexuality
Barry McCarthy & Lana M. Wald (2013) Mindfulness and Good Enough Sex, Sexual and Relationship Therapy, 28:1-2, 39-47, DOI: 10.1080/14681994.2013.770829
